Divorce or separation is inherently difficult, but when children are involved, the considerations become significantly more consequential; the way co-parents navigate this transition will have a lasting impact on their children’s emotional well-being. Maintaining a constructive co-parenting relationship is not only in the best interest of the children but also reflects favorably in court proceedings. When matters of custody and possession are at issue, it is important for the court to observe that both parties are committed to fostering a cooperative co-parenting arrangement. Demonstrating the ability to amicably co-parent can be a meaningful factor in the court’s assessment of what arrangement best serves the interests of the child.
Do
1. Strictly follow the court orders. Strictly adhering to custody orders demonstrates respect for the process and protects both you and your children. Deviating from court orders can create legal complications and erode trust between co-parents.
2. Be exceptionally cooperative. Flexibility is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. Try to remember that your child is at the center, and their needs are paramount. If you must compromise or change a plan, think about what is best for your child rather than what feels fair to you.
3. Encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent. Your child loves both parents. Supporting that bond, even when it is difficult, shows your child that their feelings matter and that both homes are safe places.
4. Stay calm at exchanges. Drop-offs and pick-ups can be emotionally charged. Keep interactions brief, polite, and focused on the child. Save any disagreements for a private conversation later.
5. Stay involved in your child’s life, even when they are not with you. Attend school events, check in about homework, and make it clear that your love and attention are not limited to your parenting time.
6. Document concerns calmly and objectively. If issues arise, keep a factual, emotion-free record. Courts respond far more favorably to organized, objective documentation than to emotionally charged accusations.
7. Provide structure and routine for the child. Children benefit from structure and consistency. This applies to everything from discipline and boundaries to daily routines and expectations in each household. Without a reliable framework, children can become dysregulated, meaning they may struggle with managing their emotions or behavior. Consistency requires tackling major parenting decisions as a united front. 1
Do Not
1. Discuss litigation with the child. Being honest with children during divorce proceedings is important and explaining the situation in a way that they can understand is beneficial.2 However, court proceedings are adult matters. Sharing them with your child places an unfair emotional burden on them and can damage their sense of security.
2. Use the child as a go-between. Asking your child to relay messages or gather information from the other parent puts them in an impossible position. Communicate directly with your co-parent instead.
3. Over-text the other parent. Excessive messaging can feel intrusive and escalate tension. Keep communications short, child-focused, clear and friendly. 3
4. Pick fights or otherwise instigate conflict with the other parent. Avoid derogatory remarks and negative nonverbal communication about the other parent, whether in front of your child or otherwise.4 Similarly, do not schedule activities that conflict with the other parent’s time. These behaviors undermine your child’s stability and can have serious consequences in court. 5
Conclusion
The fundamental purpose of co-parenting is to foster the emotional and developmental well-being of the children involved. Texas courts recognize this objective and actively promote cooperative co-parenting arrangements. Accordingly, in suits affecting the parent-child relationship involving custody and possession, courts may restrict or modify a parent’s conservatorship rights or periods of possession if that parent is found to be obstructing or undermining the co-parenting relationship. A parent who engages in a pattern of conduct that creates unnecessary conflict, interferes with the other parent’s relationship with the child, or otherwise demonstrates an unwillingness to facilitate a constructive co-parenting dynamic exposes themselves to significant legal risk.
